Proper busy lad today, woke up went for a run with pooch, took my mate to the doctors, picked up and dropped off a lawnmower, saw my nephew, picked my mate up from the doctors, took the dog out again, made my way out to do what i aim to do every day and make someone smile, think i might of. Then went to the gym.

The gym sucked today i barely did anything but managed to pull my groin ( thats right ladies).

I'm proper tired however so this is going to be a crud blog, apologies.

Here's some jokes from Sickipedia.com

Jedward were being interviewed.

John said, "We're so alike we can finish off each other's..."

Edward interrupted, "...wanks."

Its amazing that all trust goes out the window as soon as the TV remote goes missing.
"Have you got the remote?"
"No"
"Stand up!"

Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born..

He knew.

For lent, I have decided to give up sexual innuendos.

It's so hard.

What do you call a panda deep in thought?

A ponda.

Pure laziness hope you enjoyed haha

OOOOSH

Had a couple days off from this as i decided to tear myself away from what is basically writing to a bunch of strangers, but hey ho.

What did I get up to today, I went and had a look at the frog spawn again like an over excited kid expecting to see something, but only saw loads of frogs having an orgy. Even the dog looked at me like; 'boy, your fucking weird, i know i lick my own arse, but its just a freaking frog!'. Odd how you can sometimes tell what your dog is thinking or is that just me?

Didn't tell my boss this today because she would of ripped me all day, or slapped my nipples with a ruler like she did yesterday, but i managed to catch my swede on the desk trying to get the laptop out, then almost dropped the laptop by shocking myself, then went to regain control of the laptop and smacked my head again, so smooth.......

Someone asked me for number, never i repeat, never has this happened. SO what did i do, stood there went red, looked at my boss, (who by now is thinking, 'this is hilarious!!') and just basically babbled about not being able to, i got rid of her through confusion, yeah true playa!!!!

Took my mate to the gym, found out that my blood pressure is ridiculously high, that wasn't a scary conversation about how i could slowly die by bleeding internally from my neck, aces right there!! Anyway i have a gym buddy, doesn't make me look the lonely knob at the back of the gym grunting like i'm trying to turn into something from Twilight now.

I've had a good day, loads of laughs, im possibly slowly dying, ate food (best part obviously) and get to write to all you crazy people that want to know what i'm doing.

Turn up the music.......

So tired

Woke up today with the worst pain from the neck up. I spent Saturday afternoon being schooled in jiu-jitsu. This meant having the guy who runs my gym (ex-marine, ex-commonwealth boxer, ex-commonwealth wrestler, jiu-jitsu practitioner) practicing how to tear my face off, while i 'defend' it. All defending it got me was an exploding nose bleed after the pressure in my face from a choke had to go somewhere, having a crazy achy neck and rather tender bruise from a 'bicep crush' on my arm. As sucky as that sounds, it was a right laugh haven't done it for ages. Also got myself a training buddy starting from next week, so obviously we'll be hench as Arnie in no time.

Went to watch Chronicle last night pretty good film, made me laugh like an idiot when it needed to that means it's a good film to me. Full on went to the arcade too, which i haven't done in over 5 years was amazing, spent £15 in about 20 minutes, I just lost control of myself. Also got beat on the shooting games by someone who never, ever plays those games, we're not talking about that though because i won the racing games and thats what counts.

Going to try and not fall asleep before 7 tonight, going to be a challenge i tells ya.

Woke up with my head under the pillow this morning, sod knows what dream made me want to bury my head, maybe it was just the idea of getting up? Then as every man will know i spent about 30 mins doing the morning pee, seems to last forever, i swear i didn't drink in my sleep. Anyway after my already vastly adventurous first steps of Friday i walk out the door with dog and for my morning stroll with me pooch. Saw loads of frogs spawn this morning, haven't seen it for years. Made me want to be 12 and pick it up and take it home, then have no idea what to do with it when all the tadpoles come out and eventually take it all back to stream. This day was turning out to be Bear Grylls crazy now, especially when i almost died when some stupid lady in a beetle (who drives a beetle anyway?) cut me up on the roundabout and looks at me like i've just posted shit through her letterbox. Aaaaaaaaanyway i get to Exeter park the car and try to get out of it with my seatbelt on, so clever, but still for a split-second you think, what the fuck is going on?

No coffee chats today, we ran out of coffee mate, bad times.

I did however by some peanuts, win!! was like a squirell at a harvest festival. Nothing exciting really happened today it was just like a normal day, this usually includes me making a twat of myself at some point, and generally being a tool.

Now home writing this and about to go see my buddy and make him wish he hadn't invited me over.........

Day off

I've been a really decent housewife today, cleaning dishes, walking the dog, cooking food, i tells ya, make someone proud one day. been a real geek too, sitting on my laptop infront of my pc trying to network them, like a bear with who had been given a gameboy. Anywho managed to do something, not what i wanted but something, i've got music, aaaaaaaaaaand thats about it.

Went for a walk on culmstock beacon, after getting my sorry ass showered and dressed (this is 2.30pm). Still a good walk gave me a clearout, had a good chat, then ensued a mission for peanut butter Kit Kat chunkies, random i know, but needed to be done to make someone smile (always the aim of the day).

Anywhom sorry it's short but i'm watching TRON (the geekyness continues)

Started off today by managing to walk into my bedroom door even though it was wide open, not sure how i did that to be honest, set the tone for when i fell off the pavement walking the dog. The stupidness continued at work when someone offered me change to make up a transaction after i opened the till, threw me slightly and i ended up just staring at them, open mouthed for a good 3 seconds, like someone had hit me with a pole.

On me own until apart from a couple brief, but relatively intense, visits until 2 o'clock when the girl i work with came in. For some unknown reason we seem to play an accidental game of innuendo bingo, some phrases today were; 'just go get a sausage in your mouth', and 'yeah, sucked it clean off!' Purely accidental but just hilarious. Wednesday is usually a good laugh though get to work with someone who has the same level of humour as me so anything can be funny, even a curly wurly.

Off for a beer, cheers 'en........

Another Day

You ever tried cold coffee? It's rank, tastes like a badgers arsehole. Don't do it! During my 4 hours of non-stop squirelling away of stock today I decided that maybe i should of shaved. Having semi-ginger general face area is not that nicest of looks especially to the 12 year old girls coming into the shop, i don't want to know what they were thinking.

Today went pretty quick really kept myself busy time went quick, had a coffee with a good friend, made her pull the 'what the......?' face. Had a coffee in starfucks (private joke) and watched a little asian lady refuse to pay with anything other than her starbucks card, 3 times, 3 TIMES she tried this, take the hint the card is broken use money, then by some sort of eastern luck it worked, everyones face in the que, including the girl behind the just went, thaaaaaaaaaaank fuck for that! Me already in a laughing mood laughed when the lady behind the till tripped up getting me a plate, but it was mutual, I told her i nearly fell off a ladder earlier and she laughed back, didn't get a free coffee out of it though. One day i will get a free coffee without getting a card, one day!!

My quest for coffee continues............

Get us a coffee

Like many people I appreciate the smaller things in life (don't laugh alright). Like the satisfaction of clicking your back when your stretch, or popping your knuckles, or in some cases a farting without anyone knowing it was you, i'm almost a pro!! Or the sensible things like a cup of coffee, i've had 3 cups today, decaf because i'm special, but it makes you talk all sensibly for some reason. At every point of having coffee breaks today i've gone all sensible ( i know i know), me and my boss solving world issues one cup at a time.

I missed bloody Top Gear last night to go watch the Muppets, which to be honest was pretty damn funny for a U film, I won't lie. It's just awesome seeing Kermit again, I used to have a Kermit watch, EPIC!! But yeah it only dawned on me that i missed Top Gear when i got into bed, I haven't missed it in nearly 3 years now, I slightly missed Jeremys ball-bag esque face. I'm gonna take some time to myself in a quiet room and just space out for an hour watching it.

Right i'm gonna go waste some precious time and then get a mega sleep, ooooooh yeah!

The wrong trousers

Although Wallace and Gromit may of come up with name first, i know i can beat there story. One day a week i have to wear full Rampant clothing. For the first time in my life i've worn a pair of cotton baggy trakkies, and there are some serious setbacks. firstly my already voluptuous rear looks like i've smuggled j-lo away from a concert and thats not the worst part. however when looking at me from the front/side they really don't leave much to the imagination, if you catch my drift, my boss finds this hilarious (suprisingly). So today i've been walking through town making quick looks in shop windows to check that my arse isn't hanging out any more than it needs to.

I woke up ( a bit backwards saying i woke up now but hey), at my friend robs after going out in Tiverton for the first time last night in about 6 months, met loads of people i haven't seen for a good while and had a laugh while doing so. also found that drunk people watching is now my favourite thing to do, literally slagged off so many people in the space of about 10 minutes, we were bitches!!! this morning felt okay, and got treated to a sit down shower, amazeballs! felt so good, also felt like a wee boy, slightly odd won't lie, but still was epic after a night out.

Anywho about to watch The Muppets with someone close to me, good times!!

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The busy day

Today was supposed to be a full on hectic madness day of crazyness. Instead it's turned into a bit of hurry up and wait. Got my sorry ass out of bed on my day off at 7-30 got the dog walked and had breakfast by 8-30 ready for a session in the gym, with my small scottish amigo, (who made me wait 40 mins in the cold to open the gym, just to entice me im sure), who prefers to call me 'boy' and talk in an angry deep Edinburgh accent when i'm struggling, really spurs you on i tell ya, like i'm gonna get mugged!!

Then onto the Harvester in Exeter to be told, 'it's impossible to seat you', great choice of words to greet someone you stupid balding midget troll. Cue waiting for an hour to be seated by the gremlin man. Meal was a good laugh though, with Rob telling me, 'i can really feel that sausage in me'! HA!

Now waiting to see if my night out is still on whilst watching the rugby against the Italianos. listening to my mums match commentary is hilarious; 'catch it, ruuuuuuuun, you nasty boy, oh bastard you!!'. It's like she has Rugby tourettes. Just saw my cousin too which was cool haven't seen her for a while so nice to catch up.

Just to see if my night out is still on, even if its not i know ill have a laugh either way.

Cheers people ( I say that like people actually read this shit haha)

Losing my virginity

Yeah that's right, I have a blog, read it an weep, (not literally, but, you know). So I figured I would put just some of the random stuff that happens in my life on here, and other warblings that I feel are either relevant or completely out of the blue.

Had a lot of crazy stuff going on recently, so figured I would have a bit of change and start a blog.

I work at Rampant Sporting in Exeter, job is wicked, it's not everyday your boss classes your off the wall dance moves as 'just, like, i have no words!'. It also not everyday that your boss can call you; moonface, kettleboy, forehead, 'dec or ant, the one with the big head', toilet boy, retard, bitch, I could write more. But it's fun, i've not had so much laughter pimping cardboard boxes into cars as I have with my boss, so I can take the insults, she just has to take my giant face, end of.

I feel as though i'm at that time where I can do something crazy and it wouldn't matter, but then I struggle to think of anything crazier than tattooing my little finger at the moment so maybe that idea can wait.

I just feel like this could be a good release for me to get people to have a laugh, at me or with me makes no difference. But maybe I could make this a regular thing and see what i can start up, lets see............

Now where did I leave my keys.........